Look out, it's another serious one.
Last Friday we lost Papa John. He was 92 years old, and really did have a pretty good run. My children adored him, and were lucky to spend as much time with him as they did.
As his health began to decline, we started to try to introduce Ethan to the concept of death.
We talked about it, we cried about it- he laughed about it- We started over again.
I was astonished by a few things he said the first night. We read a book that I would recommend highly if you find your self in a position where you have to try to explain death to 3 and half year old boy. (Particularly if you feel that the boy may just be a re-incarnate still in possession of snippets of memories from his past life.) The book is called The Fall of Freddy the Leaf. It is about a bunch of leafs on a tree, that go through the major seasons together, and then of course "die" when winter comes. It's a natural course of action, and it's a very natural, non-denominational book.
The first time we read it, we both cried. He immediately asked about Papa John "Is Papa John going to die?"
"Yes baby, he is" (cry)
"Well I don't want you to die!" (lots of crying)
"Baby, you don't have to worry about that until your a grown man, probably married with your own babies" (trying hard not to cry)
"Well, Grandma Rose will be lonely!"
"We will keep Grandma Rose company, we're her family, that's what families do."
"Promise?"
"Promise."
So we dealt with the questions as the came- he seemed to be getting it, but it didn't seem to be weighing on him.
We got the news on Friday night- and Ethan saw his Daddy cry for the first time. That changed things for Ethan a little, and he seemed to kind of go in to protective mode. He told Sean "Don't worry, he'll be back in Summer time." He was very supportive, and a little bit nervous.
We spent the next two days explaining that we were going to go to the funeral.
"What's a funeral"
"We are going to celebrate Papa Johns life, and we are going to put him to rest."
"Where?" (Good one Ethan!)
"In the ground."
"How will he get out?"
"He won't get out Ethan, he's dead. He's gone. It's just his body that's left."
"oh."
You have to admit that the part where we bury people in the ground is a little strange. It is certainly difficult to explain to a child.
He wanted to run around like a crazy at the wake, and for a little while I thought he was oblivious and that we were really crazy to think that a three year old could process any of this. He went up to the casket several times. He said goodbye to Poppa John, helped his father put a white sox cap in the casket. Then he touched Poppa Johns hand. I think that did it. He came to me and said "touch Papa's hand."
I said "Did you touch Papa John's hand?" He nodded. So I reached out to put my hand on his. As I put my hand over his, Ethan whispered "It's just his body".
Mass, now that's a certain type of torture at lunch time with two crazy kids who both need naps. Ethan was split from his father because Sean was a Pall Bearer. I think that he felt he needed to be near him, in case Sean needed his help. He had a very hard time deciding where to sit. He went back and forth 3 or 4 times before we yanked him.
Little Riley fell in love with the Organ as soon as she heard it. First I got a "what that noise?" I pointed to he the man playing the organ, and she was transfixed. Until he stopped. Then she started yelling "ON" "ON"- which is nice in a quiet group of grieving people...She wanted up, she wanted down, she wanted to use the potty 5 times in 30 minutes. It was bad. We made it through, but we spent the last 10 minutes of the service at the back of the church.
The burial was hard for everyone. I think it always is. It's just so FINAL. The Navy was there to present the flag and "play" taps, which to my surprise came from a round i-pad speaker inside the horn. That lady didn't play ONE note! No one seemed to notice...Except me....
They hardest part was also the sweetest part, and that was when things were wrapping up, and all the Pall bearer set their gloves on the top of the casket. Ethan was with Sean, and he asked "Why did you put your gloves in there?" Sean choked out "Because I don't need them anymore." Ethan could hear that he was crying, so he hugged his daddy and said "It's ok Sean, he's ok now. It's going to be ok now." Probably the sweetest thing I've ever heard in my life.
Rest now Papa John, I know it was a long and difficult road....
